Welcome to the Sh*tty of Tampa, Can I Help You to anything else?

I'll just preface this with some things I love, although I'm sure I'll be back to re re re re-edit and then I'm gonna blast off on some stuff that's completely UNTENABLE (in my opinion) about Tampa and 'the new people' and don't try to pretend that there's no 'new people' and don't try to pretend that they mean no harm. Some of them might be ... innocent but many are here in full (if cheezy) battle armor. Please don't deny it.

Okay, if there's no 'new people' who the hell can afford those condos emptying up all over the crane-filled skyline of the city I am trying to .... believe is not the next GREAT MINISTRY ...

Please don't call me biased .... (I am similar to or I'm related to one of each of you and then to one of every hue, cry, creed and orientation, I'm on a unique perch here so I can speak freely or I will, anyway...) Like Jon Stewart and Colbert I can even say, "that's too jewy" and someone in my family will nod lovingly and jewishly .... I speak Spanish, English,some Italian and French-canadianish, a smattering of korean by injection, a little Thai, Carny, Pig Latin, Kid-Yak, Teen-esque-ette a little more street than many ladies .... and enough curse words in every language and I got all the universal stuff down and even some gang hand signals. Punks are the same every ol where, eh?? Some of them wear heels, fur, diamonds, Brooks Bros., Armani.... and badges and carry hoses ..... riding horses like in the wild wild west and thanks to JEB and shoot and ask questions later, saddle up and get packin .. but I digress.....

INSERT THOUGHT: You HAVE to click on the street link. This one surprised me especially the location of same and oh my GOD, I am like WAYYYYY behind on my street, apparently> So, I'll have to study up ....

I love the OLD (as in tenure) Tampa residents. You can tell who they are: wide, genuine smiles, true Southern charm, dignity and grace. I love the new Tampa residents who aren't here to kick our asses and take our place. Or put us IN our place according to their gods and/or goddesses ..... And don't try to tell me you haven't noted a difference.

When I talked of no one knowing the reporters at the Tampa Trib now, I referred to the small band of 'regular' Tampa people who are left here. I'm not new, yknow, I'm perfectly aware that you 'new people' outnumber us now. You've grown very bold. Those among you who are gangsters come out of your house as we drive by as IF we don't know you are there. We may be alot of things but slow is not one of them. And may the Good Lord bless you and yours in your desperately sad motivation to pursue false gods and tin rewards. And as you graduate these thuggish critters from med school and such I hope you're beginning to realize that then their slovenly educated butts are the only option you have for health care. That was dumb, huh? You brought all the doctors to lie to US but you seem to have forgotten that you're going to need some actual REAL doctors ... No, I swear. You will. And someone to wipe your butt in the home....

I love Tampa's crooked, twisted ways: I grew up here; my family's all around here. I know yall. I been runnin with the pack my whole life. What I don't love is this desperation you have seeded and you have worked so hard towards something so wrong that you have lost your humanity. And the sparkle in your eyes. I miss that, old friends. Maybe you can put it back.

I love palmettos, REAL palm trees, Tampa Bay and I love the beaches, the silly lil airs that some of these people put on. (sometimes you have to laugh out loud) I wonder how they all start giggling and fawning when Donald Trump or some prince of another nation drops a few bucks .... did they forget we all put our pants on the same way?
I love the tough Tampa criminal types disguised as ... well, you know who most of em are .... they've always made me feel safe. And loved. I've always felt I understood how Tampa is wired and then someone switched out the mother-board, eh? Chess with people unawares is always fun for the one aware ... (is it?)
I love MacDinton's (changed) and the cool place on the water on Gandy all gone now and the sh*tty is rattlefish which will go private following the trend (replace that word trend with PLAN and you get the picture)
I love lots of North Tampa stuff -- but -- oh yeah, that has disappeared. It ain't the progress I resent, it's the method. And that what is brought is FUGLY. But, isn't FUGLY the new cool?

I loved the old Bayshore with it's ratty benches and FISHING (I always managed not to get myself snagged on a line but the new people aren't able to figure that one out, I guess, so they outlawed the fishin off the Bayshore) and deplore that it now looks like a cheap set from Zorro ... (yeah I said it) ... and also that soon the sun won't reach the longest sidewalk in the world because of all those high rise dumps which even in the eyes of a ten year old grow increasingly ugly. Yeah, I almost bought one of Monte Carlo Towers' suites when they were handing out Jags or 30 grand to all purchasers because they couldn't give the things away. And when we looked at it the realtor said ... oh here's a view of the bay ... and if you were careful and had a friend hold one ankle REAL TIGHT ... by GOD you could almost sense the water out there somewhere.

But, I digress .....


Oh and I LOVED the bar-hopping .... and my people ... and my Camaro before Cecil stole it ....

Here comes the Welcome to the Shitty of Tampa may I help you + part

In their desperate drive to take my city and my home and others' homes....(these new people and the old people who crawled under the covers with them and how's that working out for you??)...

... they have weaseled their way into every dept of the city. Every venue, every legal and illegal aspect and every corner and every cranny and don't forget the NOOKS. (i'll stop here for tender eyes)

I don't recognize Tampa's cops anymore .... I know they have noticed the same themselves, the few who are left ....

Verizon: this is how so many of these gems relocated here. Don't take me there because half my family and some of my best friends are also employed in the belly of the beast. Research Verizon. Following Verizon infiltration the shitty gentrification starts and the residential makeup of an area is skewed to the point that you won't recognize anyone. Just sayin ... feel free to disagree at any point.

City Hall: You're grown ups. I'll leave that one to you. It stinks down there. It stinks across the bay at Ricky's house, too. GET BETTER !!!

Selective Prosecution: The arrest of these 'two lone bad people' down there at growth and development or whatever the hell dept.. ... this is THE TIP of the iceberg. It would take NINE MAJILLIONTY blogs to cover just from 1959 to now ... and way more finger pads than any forty ninjas have.

Selective Eminent Domain: When someone on City Council safely ensconced in South Tampa says: "these people have overstayed their welcome" (in their own homes, mind you -- where they've lived for years ....) .... Houston, we got us a big problem and then they get re-elected to county commission... oops bigger problem but maybe Buddy Johnson can shed some light on the magic of voting. He's the one who has to buy the silence of his former employees but I'd be conjecturing to know WHY. And he inherited that office from our Mayor. ..... hmmmm .... hmmmmm

The Shredding: In Tampa those big huge shredding trucks make me wish I owned one. Anyone wanna check into that with me??? More stuff gets shredded so some certain people can start fresh.

Selective Code Enforcement: I have to stay quiet here because I'm about to take this one wide open.

Selective Solid Waste: See above.....


Selective Policing: I could go on and on ... and probably will but again, it's a matter of public record ... and see above .... (ninjas too!)

Where can I end this?

There is no end to it.

They have stolen our parks, our water systems, our docks, our marinas our water. OUR SCHOOLS ... and some peoples' peace of mind (not mine)

They have poisoned the water.

Neighborhoods are divided up now where they never were before. Part of the reason is that certain neighborhoods no longer qualify for 'right' water. Not everyone wants to live in S.Tampa, contrary to popular belief. Seminole Heights has a different feel than the cool of yesterday. I was relieved to know there's still a 'punkhouse' there ... but there are telling factors which denote the fact that tons of 'new people' populate these areas and in a way totally FOREIGN to Tampa's nature, some of they look down upon others. They shoot people who are out on boat rides in an attempt to frighten them off the river. They've intimidated many of my friends into installing cameras to take them to court and they delight in this gang behavior.(this happened to be a new teacher and her delightfully insane hubby and thug children, yes it's a matter of public record, domestic court and injunctions to boot, I stumbled on this one by accident)
My own 'neighbors' tried to engage me into some things that ... oh my god went out in elementary in my world.(hey darlin...) Some of these people have infiltrated our school system and are (GAD) teaching our children. This is NOT Tampa folks. We've always operated as a unit ... what went on behind the scenes stayed behind the scenes and we roamed freely around .... who seeks to end that and why? Do you really think you are better or is that a program you're selling to others? Word: it doesn't fly. You are trying to create enemies and then engage them in battle and you think you have everything on your side..... never mind, you'll never listen to me. You have to be first and you know everything. I know, I am sharing the streets with you in my car ....

You're trying to buy up all the property here and you're batting pretty well. I've seen so many people tossed into the streets and you've gutted and rebuilt every other home in most neighborhoods. We're watching. We're watching the homes disappear off the property rolls....

What's up with these stickers on peoples' cars labeling where they're from in Tampa sh*tty? Pretty soon will this be a case of NO STICKER what are you doing around here?? More control.

New York is divided up like this and then block by block. Los Angeles. Cincinnati. You see where this is heading, right?

Is that really what WE want? Or what THEY want??

The Tiny Man in MY WhiteHouse calls for more police and firemen to make our neighborhoods safer. These men and women have become part of the problem. Not part of the solution .... Gangsters. And, yeah, I have family in both these fields too so your gang mentality loyalty does nothing for me.



When the South Tampa style page crows about us becoming little New York why is there a note of pride in that? Would New York be all aglow to be called Lil Tampa or Medium Miami??? Would Fort Myers be thrilled to be called Lil Screwed up whatever?? Well, who is LEFT in New York? I believe that we're all here now. Nothing wrong with that. But I never went anywhere to kick anyone's ass and take their stuff. Just sayin ....

Why are you doing this to us? Not just New York, Ohio, PA and some other places can take credit; it's equal opp. They know who they are. They tough, man.

Tampa had it's own unique and beautiful identity !! It was slow, laid-back, cool. Had it all going on.

What was so bad about THAT?
This is NOT a trend this is NOT population explosion and normal migration. This is a PLAN. (like the river walk that isolates the river for the rich and the few new residences dotted along where we were sposed to have green space !!!!) Tampa's not the only place it's going on. I'll stop short of calling it the Neo-Nazi-ism I sense it is ... but it's NOT a good thing when people move to an area and INTIMIDATE others into leaving. This was not gradual, this was sudden and obvious. Yep, calling a spade a spade is what I'm doing. Call me on it, if you think I'm wrong.


A city of the arts, ooooooooh, something unique ---- just like sarasota and miami and new york and and and AND.... etc... etcccc etcccc etcccc this is really some kinda half-ass, redundant goal. Why not decorate the beaten up homeless?? Wait, isn't Rachel*'s boyfriend some kind of designer (I think she has a good sense of humor, please laugh it's meant as a joke) There are some few decent people here who really have a handle on art and culture and music and gasparilla on the fun side .... (like ummmm tons of my friends are artists, musicians and intellectuals of some small or large stature) but ... for god's sake none of them can get a word in edgewise past the developers and the bricks for the river walk to open up the river which I've never had any problem getting to until this trend (read PLAN) started ....


Welcome to the Shitty of Tampa. Is there any help for her? Is there anything else that can be sold out for you????

Just sayin ....

I hope I included enough stuff I love. I remember when I used to fly out of here alot ... even when the pilots didn't land well (and Tampa seems to be especially tough for getting a good landing, it's hard on my earsies) ... anyway, no matter how tired I was or how distracting or lovely the seat mate I would be eagerly perusing the skyline for my stadium ... home to Pink Floyd and Crosby Stills and Nash and the Bandits and ... the Rowdies and THE WHO .... FREE FRICKIN PARKING..... normal security measures.....
I would be happy to see the gate guys at the airport .... They were usually the same late-night guys and gals. No control. I mean, security. When I got off the tram to go to the airport I think the same sky cap dude took my luggage EVERY TIME. For years. I felt like I had bought plenty of nice things for his family, like any girl raised in a British home I'm a good tipper ..... I hope he remembered me, too.

I wonder if he feels the same way I do. Maybe now he says, 'get out while the getting is good, I'll help you get to your plane faster .... straight this way through homeland control, miss'

Every dog has it's day .....