Tampa is Lil Willie but mostly Nellie
Imagine if you will: Zorro's village plunked smack down flattening the mountainside which once nestled the home of country-girl-bonnet-fetchin' Laura and Mary Ingalls and their lovely Mother, Caroline, and their Father, the beatific Charles Ingalls,
who rarely raised his voice and displayed a convincing amount of charm to bely the fact that he lived 'in the woods'. All of them blessed with a quick comeback, by the way. Now, with Charles dead: you have Tampa. You'd have to live here to understand. For nowhere (it's IMPOSSIBLE) are there so many (imported and native) propped-up sow's ears running the one-cow general store and pretending they are silk purses as you will find in Tampa FL. The oddest mix of good-ol-boy-and-gal prairie glamour stuffed in to a cheap zorro
set with no potable water for those they don't like. Not even the river.
The White House is simply not big enough to compete in this genre or there'd be a runoff.
You all may remember the Little House series. Pa Ingalls (Michael Landon) was calling for common sense and kindness. Nellie and Willie Oleson were dressed in their finery and looking down on everyone else for NO apparent reason. The mother was WORSE. Sometimes, very damned seldom; you'd see a smidge of decency in lil Willie but that would be quickly stomped out by Ma and Nellie Oleson general store. The Dad Oleson was typical of a Tampa dude; NOT wearing the pants in the family. (hehe)
Anything that anyone (else) wanted the Oleson General Store rode herd over. Think of the Olesons as the Hillsborough County Commission, The Tampa City Council AND Hillsborough County. Think of the dark-side newcomers as the Olesons.
Lately (okay not just lately) when I'm driving through the cheap Zorro set that Tampa has become, I am reminded of Little House on the Prairie and how awesome it would be for the younger Ingalls sister when Nellie Oleson didn't talk to her. Or started these awful things against her down at the schoolyard and made all the other kids not like her and participate in bullying her. It was like validation. Of decency. But for some reason that mean old, ice-cube Nellie could get the compliant, the bullies and lil Willie (and probably the village fireman) to do evil stuff for her. I think she gave them sugar cubes and bolts of cloth or something. Crack??
A toast to YOU, Nellie. She always looked just as miserable as YOU do. Your lil house on the prairie out take is most suitable for the one-cow town of zorro villages you are creating around you.
Lil willie, you hang in there.
I keep trying to remember what the sheriff was like in lil house .. tell the truth I didn't really watch it so much .... reruns I guess, but I always remembered mean ol Nellie in that lil rudimentary 'town'. And the sweet, serene sister who always came out on top with NO effort. While looking dazzling the entire time.
I'm sure the sheriff was better than a stalker .....
Here's some memorable quotes from Lil House that you can actually HEAR and SEE in South Tampa today .... it would be so funny if they all had to wear stiff, ugly bonnets for acting like this. Especially the men. When I am Queen we'll make that rule(z).
That's JUST what they are afraid of .....
Too bad about Michael Landon. He was keeping the lid on it all. Now it's blown sky-high. Tampa IS Lil House on the Prairie with NO Leading Man. OR Woman. Just mean ass Nellie and lil Willie without a real friend to their names, bullying the rest of the folks. Se habla espanol.
"Little House" books by Laura Ingalls Wilder
- Little House in the Big Woods (1932)(TAMPA)
Laura: I should've kicked her in the face! I should've scratched out her eyes!
Laura: Why don't you give like the rest of the children.
Nellie Oleson: My mother say's we're not like the rest of the children!
Laura: I suppose she's right.
Nellie Oleson: Hello, Laura.
Laura: Hi, Nellie.
Nellie Oleson: Willie told me all about your class project. How's yours coming?
Laura: I haven't started it yet.
Nellie Oleson: I see. It must be very hard tracing all your relatives. Names and everything. Have to spend all that time in the forest or wherever it is you're from.
Laura: It's called the Big Woods and I'll manage thank you.
Nellie Oleson: You know the Oleson family goes all the way back to royalty. We come from heads of state and titles for most of my relatives.
Laura: Like Nero and Ivan the Terrible?
Nellie Oleson: I'll fix her. You'll see.
Nellie Oleson: What's so secretive?
Laura: Nothing.
Nellie Oleson: Whispering's rude!
Laura: So is listening in on the people who are doing it! (YEAH GEORGE AND VERIZON AND BANANA NOSES)
[discussing the birth of Caroline Ingalls' fourth child]
Mrs. Oleson: Well, in my case, Nellie and Willie were MORE than enough.
Caroline: In the case of Nellie and Willie, Mrs. Oleson, I'd have to agree with you.
Nellie Oleson: I wonder why Laura Ingalls doesn't come in the store anymore?
Willie Oleson: Because she's too poor to buy anything - that's why!
Nellie Oleson: So's her father. Mother says he can't even afford to pay what he owes in the store. He just spends all day cleaning up after horses.
Laura: My pa works hard.
Nellie Oleson: So does a mule.
Laura: Pa, can I ride Bunny into town instead of riding in the wagon?
Charles: I guess so, but is that because you feel like riding or because you want to make Nellie jealous?
Laura: [pause] A little of both, I guess.
Caroline: [Mrs. Oleson has caused a student to run out of the schoolhouse] Children! Can any of you spell "compassion"? Can any of you spell "understanding"? Will any of you tell us the meaning of these words?
[pause]
Caroline: Well, don't feel bad children - I don't think Mrs. Oleson knows the meaning to these words, either.
Laura: [referring to Johnny Johnson] I think he's the best looking boy in the whole school.
Mary Ingalls Kendall: That's not saying much!
Julia Sanderson: Charles... I'm gonna die.
Charles: [shocked] What?
Julia Sanderson: I'm going to die. That's a heck of a thing to tell a neighbor, isn't it? (especially in Tampa where your neighbor seems to know you are dying BEFORE YOU DO LOL)
Laura: I hate that Nellie Oleson!
Caroline: Laura! Don't say "hate" - don't even think "hate"! I'm sure Nellie has her good qualities somewhere.
Charles: Your ma's right, half-pint. Now on the way home, we'll try and think of some!
Nellie Oleson: Half the time, you don't even SMELL like a girl! You're either sweaty, or you stink of fish!
Laura: Well... I sweat a lot and I fish a lot!
Mrs. Oleson: [after an argument] Mrs. Ingalls, we will not be requiring any more eggs in the immediate future.
Caroline: Mrs. Oleson, the hens will be RELIEVED to hear that!
Alice Garvey: Sometimes I wonder how Harriet Oleson has managed to stay alive for as long as she has!
Mary Ingalls Kendall: That Nellie Oleson is the meanest girl I ever did see! I could never be as mean as that!
Laura: I could - meaner!
[pause]
Laura: If Ma and Pa would let me!
Mrs. Oleson: [to her husband, who holds a shotgun, when they catch daughter Nellie with her new husband] Nels - make her a WIDOW! (left this in because read on, she was an early antisemitic anti-everything, I guess)
[Nellie has stomach pains]
Mrs. Oleson: Do you know what I think it is? I think it's that strange food you make for your husband!
Nellie Oleson: But he likes it, and it doesn't make him sick!
Mrs. Oleson: Well, of course HE likes it - he's used to it! He's Jewish. A person can get used to ANYTHING! Look at the cannibals... they eat each other, and they think it's just dandy!
Reverend Robert Alden: [at Julia Sanderson's funeral] Julia Sanderson asked me to read this today. She wrote it for all of you, loved ones and friends alike...”Remember me with smiles and laughter, for that is how I'll remember you all. If you can only remember me with tears, then don't remember me at all"... loud and clear.
Laura: Hard working folks only smell bad to people who have nothing better TO DO than stick their noses in the air! Well, whenever you stick your nose in the air with me, Nellie Oleson, it's going to get punched!
.
Mrs. Oleson: If God wanted me to talk with my hands he wouldn't have given me a mouth
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: [looks toward the camera very seriously] i guess god can even make mistakes!
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: [says to mrs. oleson] you should be looked up in a cage and feed with a stick, you have made life miserable for everyone (HERE'S TO YOU TAMPA)
Mrs. Oleson: my back is killing me again
[in the presents of mrs. Ingals]
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: [doing inventory on his shoes] and again, and again
Mrs. Oleson: what did you say
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: im just counting these shoe sizes dear. and a ten and a ten, four sizes.
Mrs. Oleson: you disgraced me in-front of the town
Reverend Robert Alden: [trying to heal their broken marriage] please there must be forgiveness!
Nelson "Nels" Oleson: don't talk to me about forgiveness till you lived with a woman like that.
Mrs. Oleson: tssskkk
[both of them leave the church]
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